I thought garbage would have been the answer...

In Starbucks this morning, this older man (probably late 60's) was buy a pound coffee to have grinded he said the following thing to the really friendly and pretty barista (probably in her late 20's)

man: You know something that smile of yours could sell me anything. In fact, I think it could even sell me the Brooklyn Bridge

Really? The BK Bridge? That's the best he could come up with? Guess so.

Don't put words in her mouth...

This actually happened last week, but here it is now. I was in line at H&M on Lexington Ave between 58th & 59th (during a fashion emergency crisis post-work). I overhear two girls behind me in school uniforms, I'll assume high school juniors or seniors.

girl 1: ...Yea I'll have to ask my brother where that is

girl 2: Oh you have a brother? I didn't know that, is he older or younger?

girl 1: (very quickly) Yea, he's older. But he's not cute, you wouldn't want to date him

girl 2: haha, what? I didn't even mean it that way

girl 1: ok, but I'm just saying he's the black sheep of the family and he's ugly and smokes pot

girl 2: Honestly, I was just asking how old he was because you've never mentioned him... geez

This girl was flipping out about her brother, it was too funny and her friend was like weirded out about the crazy vibe. I got a weird vibe like she was "the ugly friend" and everyone wants to date her cute, pretty friends which makes NO sense because its a brother/sister thing. SO weird

Trust me I'm not being nice...

I'm breaking out of the normal character for this blog right now, you'll get over it. But this has to be about how annoyed I am by this one man who is a regular on my bus every morning. This guy gets on at the second to last stop and sometimes I can get away with having the seat to myself, but I've noticed that this man (who from here on out will be called Mr. Tubs (short for Tubby) ) if the first seat is taken on the bus then he ends up next to me (I always sit in the 4th or 5th row).

I wouldn't care so much except this man is larger so he overflows onto my seat and I just have a stigma about any part of my body touching a strangers body for an hour bus ride. So when Mr. Tubs sits next to me I usually stand up for a hot second and slide all the way against the window, which gives him the audacity to take up even more room. LISTEN TUBS, I'M MOVING OVER SO OUR THIGHS DON'T TOUCH, GROSS.

Then he usually takes out a book, and this involves an endless amount of elbowing. It shouldn't annoy me but like every time he turns the page if I'm not scrunched up against the window he's touching me.

I think the worst part about this guy is that everyone the bus hits the breaks or the bus slows up he's looking over the seats or into the aisle to figure out what the hold up is. DUDE CALM DOWN! If ten minutes worth of traffic is going to make or break your morning take an earlier bus and chill out.

In short, Mr. Tubs is the worst and I pray that before his stop no one takes the first seat on the bus.

/end rant.